Me and Exercise? Yeah we go Way Back
Ed. note: Here’s a little exercise story about a young man named Metroknow. Why his parents chose that name is beyond anyone’s recollection, but that’s not really integral to the story.
When I watch my soon-to-be four year old, like millions of parents before me I marvel at his sheer level of energy. He plays hard, laughs hard, cries hard, and sleeps hard. In my case I seem to have replaced all of those items with “work” hard. But, I’m getting back to playing a little too.
I grew up playing just about every sport I could get into, though rarely in an organized league. While I went through long periods of constant football, soccer, basketball, and some baseball, I really excelled at competitive volleyball into adulthood. As an adult, my somewhat regular exercise was either biking, running, or pickup games of basketball on weekends.
I was also an avid skateboarder from my early teens to my late twenties, and I have the knees to prove it. Throw in some skiing and snowboarding, and you have several years worth of the orthopaedic surgeon’s yacht payment.
At some point I got out of the habit of finding fun ways to exercise, and life times laziness plus a love of food equals about 5-10 lbs a year gained, multiplied by 7 years. Not pretty.
Why I hated running…for a while
In my thirties, realizing what was happening, I started getting back into running, or so I thought. When I was younger, distance running was much easier (to which I hear a collective, “DUH” arising…). But in my thirties, things like my knees started to make odd creaking and popping noises, my lungs seemed to have atrophied, and my ankles were prone to give out from time to time. What was happening to me? Was I being poisoned?
When it came to running, things were particularly frustrating. I was constantly trying to improve my time on my little course around the neighborhood, hoping for weight loss results. While I found it was beneficial mentally to get out, I saw absolutely ZERO results in weight loss. Why?
Looking back, there were obviously two parts of the problem:
1. I hadn’t changed my eating habits
2. I wasn’t doing it enough
I know it sounds simple, but the truth is when it came to exercise I was doing just enough….to hate it. I was running for only about 30 minutes or so, including warm-up and cool-down time. I was getting my heart rate up for what I considered long periods within that 30 minutes - but realistically? That was probably a sustained heart rate of 85% for about 7 minutes or so.
That is not going to yield a climber’s physique any time soon.
When I returned from my “run” (which I say with that ultra-annoying two-fingered “quotes” gesture), I was completely out of breath, convinced that I was exhausted, and ready to sit down and eat something good because I had earned it.
Let me just pause and say this: If you are not seeing a stadium full of little red flags waiving like a television pan shot at the coming Olympic games, then I think you may have a lot in common with me way back when.
So what changed? In short, I decided to participate in a charity training event to run a 1/2 marathon. To be frank, while I really was supportive of the cause (and I did raise my $2000 pledge), what I really wanted was some guidance on what I was doing wrong. And it worked. I was introduced to the walk/run technique, which ultimately allowed me to run 13.1 miles without dying. Though I felt like it was a close call by the end.
Do you have something you’d like to share with the class?
Basically I learned that a) If you don’t exercise enough, you won’t see results for many months, if at all and you will HATE it, and b) Injury is the enemy, so take it slow. That is what I did; even at 75 lbs overweight, I was able to complete the 1/2 marathon. Of course, my knees resented me and reminded me of my lack of consideration to them for many months after, but they seem to be a little more agreeable now.
All of that taught me half of the equation: If I want to see real fitness results, I need to exercise for longer than one half hour three times a week. While there may be some intensive programs out there that advocate abs and hind-quarters like titanium in 5 minutes or less, that is really not what I’m interested in. Wait. That came out wrong. What I mean is, my fitness goals are simply to improve my health, not to be the butt stand-in for Brad Pitt.
In the mean time, I am gaining mastery of the second half of the equation: My diet. Eating real food in moderation really does work. 26 lbs lost so far this year. The problem is, while I do feel better, and the weight is slowly coming off, I do not feel strong. I am not sleeping as well as I would like (a lifelong problem), and things jiggle when I walk that I would like to make stop.
That, and each day that goes by, my son is getting faster. I can’t let him beat me just yet - I have to have a LITTLE dignity, don’t I?
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2. Treat the decision to quit fast food as a habit, not a lifelong commitment. The idea is to make it your habit to seek out real food, at the expense of spending time and money on fast food. It doesn’t need to be a lifelong political position. You want healthful choices to become second nature. That way when you do give into that impulse desire, which you likely will at some point in the future, you will not have “failed”. Take it slow, and be proud of your many small accomplishments that will lead to a bigger success of building a healthy habit of eating.
7. Be a cheapskate. Don’t confuse quantity with value, throwing your money away because it is sold to you as a “good deal”. Fast food depends on the idea that you will be foolish enough to believe that a big pile of garbage has more value than a little pile of quality food. Stick with the quality food. Learn to cook. Make enough for leftovers. Lather, rinse, repeat.
“Just because it’s toxic doesn’t mean it’s not tasty.” - 
With the school year coming to a close, we had the end of the year picnic last weekend complete with a parachute, hula hoops, and a pot luck lunch spread. In addition to being a great time for the kids, one of the best things about such events is to see the variety in familial food culture. Our instructions were to bring a dish to share, and to bring our own plates, glasses, and utensils, so as to cut down on the waste. It was a great plan, and left very little to clean up.
“64 oz. soda? Does it come with a chance to win Boardwalk? Well then hit me Brutha!” - Metroknow, 26 lbs heavier
Have you ever wondered why it seems that the French can get away with eating everything we’re told not to eat, and still live 3 years longer on average, without exercising more than we do, taking 6 week vacations, and 2 hour lunches?
Every once in a while I stumble across an entirely new, personally unexplored pocket of the Internet that really inspires me. I don’t know why I’m surprised by the discovery, but each time I find an unexplored corner of the Web, I feel like I’ve landed in a new self-contained community filled with thousands of original and interesting perspectives that no one from my tribe has ever seen. Yes, its geeky, but it’s not unlike what I might imagine exploring new galaxies would be like, if I were, you know, to geek out (assuming of course, that we are not…..Alone…..[cue the doom music]…..).