Ed. note: Here’s a little exercise story about a young man named Metroknow. Why his parents chose that name is beyond anyone’s recollection, but that’s not really integral to the story.
When I watch my soon-to-be four year old, like millions of parents before me I marvel at his sheer level of energy. He plays hard, laughs hard, cries hard, and sleeps hard. In my case I seem to have replaced all of those items with “work” hard. But, I’m getting back to playing a little too.
I grew up playing just about every sport I could get into, though rarely in an organized league. While I went through long periods of constant football, soccer, basketball, and some baseball, I really excelled at competitive volleyball into adulthood. As an adult, my somewhat regular exercise was either biking, running, or pickup games of basketball on weekends.
I was also an avid skateboarder from my early teens to my late twenties, and I have the knees to prove it. Throw in some skiing and snowboarding, and you have several years worth of the orthopaedic surgeon’s yacht payment.
At some point I got out of the habit of finding fun ways to exercise, and life times laziness plus a love of food equals about 5-10 lbs a year gained, multiplied by 7 years. Not pretty.
Why I hated running…for a while
In my thirties, realizing what was happening, I started getting back into running, or so I thought. When I was younger, distance running was much easier (to which I hear a collective, “DUH” arising…). But in my thirties, things like my knees started to make odd creaking and popping noises, my lungs seemed to have atrophied, and my ankles were prone to give out from time to time. What was happening to me? Was I being poisoned?
When it came to running, things were particularly frustrating. I was constantly trying to improve my time on my little course around the neighborhood, hoping for weight loss results. While I found it was beneficial mentally to get out, I saw absolutely ZERO results in weight loss. Why?
Looking back, there were obviously two parts of the problem:
1. I hadn’t changed my eating habits
2. I wasn’t doing it enough
I know it sounds simple, but the truth is when it came to exercise I was doing just enough….to hate it. I was running for only about 30 minutes or so, including warm-up and cool-down time. I was getting my heart rate up for what I considered long periods within that 30 minutes – but realistically? That was probably a sustained heart rate of 85% for about 7 minutes or so.
That is not going to yield a climber’s physique any time soon.
When I returned from my “run” (which I say with that ultra-annoying two-fingered “quotes” gesture), I was completely out of breath, convinced that I was exhausted, and ready to sit down and eat something good because I had earned it.
Let me just pause and say this: If you are not seeing a stadium full of little red flags waiving like a television pan shot at the coming Olympic games, then I think you may have a lot in common with me way back when.
So what changed? In short, I decided to participate in a charity training event to run a 1/2 marathon. To be frank, while I really was supportive of the cause (and I did raise my $2000 pledge), what I really wanted was some guidance on what I was doing wrong. And it worked. I was introduced to the walk/run technique, which ultimately allowed me to run 13.1 miles without dying. Though I felt like it was a close call by the end.
Do you have something you’d like to share with the class?
Basically I learned that a) If you don’t exercise enough, you won’t see results for many months, if at all and you will HATE it, and b) Injury is the enemy, so take it slow. That is what I did; even at 75 lbs overweight, I was able to complete the 1/2 marathon. Of course, my knees resented me and reminded me of my lack of consideration to them for many months after, but they seem to be a little more agreeable now.
All of that taught me half of the equation: If I want to see real fitness results, I need to exercise for longer than one half hour three times a week. While there may be some intensive programs out there that advocate abs and hind-quarters like titanium in 5 minutes or less, that is really not what I’m interested in. Wait. That came out wrong. What I mean is, my fitness goals are simply to improve my health, not to be the butt stand-in for Brad Pitt.
In the mean time, I am gaining mastery of the second half of the equation: My diet. Eating real food in moderation really does work. 26 lbs lost so far this year. The problem is, while I do feel better, and the weight is slowly coming off, I do not feel strong. I am not sleeping as well as I would like (a lifelong problem), and things jiggle when I walk that I would like to make stop.
That, and each day that goes by, my son is getting faster. I can’t let him beat me just yet – I have to have a LITTLE dignity, don’t I?
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It was a tight race. With the help of some old school Oregon-style green sustainable strategy, 100% renewable solar energy on my shoulders, and the inspiration of a recent television bender in the form of an historic Olympiad, I did it – I pulled off the victory of the century for team 
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Have you ever had one of those weeks where you feel like you are one step behind in everything you’re doing?
“Once in a while it really hits people that they don’t have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.”
